CLEAVE?
What would be your definition of CLEAVE?
Oxford defines cleave as a verb: split or sever (something) especially along a natural line or grain.
Merriam-webster defines cleave as an intransitive verb: to adhere firmly and closely or loyally and unwaveringly.
The English language never fails to amaze me in its complexity. Per www.grammarly.com, cleave is classified as a contronym, often referred to as a Janus word or auto-antonym, is a word that evokes contradictory or reverse meanings depending on context. Mentalfloss.com in its article, 14 Words are their own opposites, lists 14 contronyms: sanction, oversight, left, dust, seed, stone, trim, cleave, resign, fast, off, weather, screen, help. Interesting but we will leave these for another time.
So back to cleave – to sever and to adhere. In many marriage ceremonies, there is a reading from Genesis, where God says, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife and they shall become one flesh.” What Does It Mean to Cleave To My Spouse, by Dr. David on www.crosswalk.com breaks down cleave from a marriage perspective:
1. Being dedicated to your mate. You choose to invest in the relationship. You choose to keep the relationship vibrant and healthy through intentional caring, giving, and sacrificial loving.
2. Ongoing exploration of their uniqueness. To never stop learning, understanding, and appreciating our mate.
3. Sharing on a deep level. Intimacy requires deep sharing, transparency, and vulnerability.
4. Mutual submission. To gladly give of ourselves, including our time, talent, and treasures. To listen and respond to their needs and desires.
5. Enjoying each other fully and exclusively. To delight in this relationship and be pleased to offer ourselves fully.
Your Questions: IF you are in a relationship with a significant “other” – how are YOU currently in the CLEAVE department? Are there areas that need some work, and if so, what actions will you take?
I have been married to my best friend for over 35 years and for the most part they have been “happy” years – not always, but for the most part. We love spending time together and are actively planning the next season of our lives. I would say we have a VERY solid foundation, but cleaving improvements are needed – primarily from ME!
As I have worked through MY personal self-assessment, I can now clearly see how my MIND/BODY/SOUL health (or unhealth) has affected our relationship.
Damaged Beaver My self-assessment included doing a Smalley/Trent personality assessment – to see if I most closely identify as Lion, Golden Retriever, Otter, or Beaver. I identified as a “damaged” beaver. At the core, I have the strengths of being analytical, self-discipline, organized and sacrificing; however, most recently, I tend to exhibit the beaver weaknesses of being moody, self-centered, touchy, negative, and critical. Now that I am aware of my personality weaknesses, I can re-dedicate myself to having a vibrant and healthy relationship with my wife.
Man Behind the Mask Dr. Dave stated that intimacy requires deep sharing, transparency, and vulnerability. My human nature is polarly opposed to this. I build in-penetrable, well-guarded walls. Picture Germany’s Neuschwanstein Castle! I wear a mask that hides my wants, needs and feelings. Going forward – I am committed to taking off the mask. I am committed to vulnerability and transparency in my trusted relationships.
Split or Sever Dr. Dave addressed the adhere firmly definition of cleave. I certainly have behaviors and actions that need to be split or severed to achieve the healthy, happy, rewarding relationship desired. My self-reflection has clarified areas in my life that need to be minimize or eliminated to make my relationship with my wife MY priority. I have areas that need pruning and some areas that need to be lopped off!
Nicholas Sparks, in his book The Last Song, says, “Love is fragile. And we’re not always its best caretakers. We just muddle through and do the best we can. And hope this fragile thing survives against all odds.” I am recommitting to making my wife and our relationship a top priority – to CLEAVING to her.
Your Questions: IF you are in a relationship with a significant “other” – how are YOU currently in the CLEAVE department? Are there areas that need some work, and if so, what actions will you take?