The Patty Rule – The Power of Independent Will
I am not sure about you, but I battle with When to say yes, How to say no decisions EVERYDAY! Jennifer Rollins, in Psychology Today, says “For many people, it’s difficult to set boundaries or say no to others. This can be especially challenging for those who self-identify as people-pleasers or workaholics.” I hate to admit it, but I identify with both – people-pleaser and workaholic.
In Habit #3, of Covey’s The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Covey introduces The Power of Independent Will. Covey says, “It is the ability to make decisions and choices and to act in accordance with them. It is the ability to act rather than to be acted upon, to proactively carry out the program we have developed…”
He goes on to say that “Empowerment comes from learning how to use this great endowment in the decisions we make every day.” (Bolding is mine)
The Oxford Dictionary defines Empowerment as:
The process of becoming stronger and more confident, especially in controlling one’s life and claiming one’s rights.
I like the Oxford definition – but I’d rather define Empowerment by The Patty Rule: I am an adult, and I can make my own decisions.
The questions for YOU – Are you adhering to The Patty Rule? Do you feel empowered, through your independent will, to “act rather than be acted upon”?
I like to think I am getting better at adhering to The Patty Rule – primarily at saying no – but I continue to be haunted by my decisions. If you remember from a previous 4 Animal Personality post – Lion, Beaver, Golden Retriever, Otter – I dual identify as both a Beaver and a Giraffe. The beaver for being analytical and logical, yet at the same time being rigid, serious, and resistant to change. So why the Giraffe? Because I am tall and gangling (tall and awkward in movements)? While both true – its because a giraffe is a ruminator.
www.vocabulary.com defines ruminator this way: a reflective thinker characterized by quiet contemplation. Someone who exercises the mind (usually in an effort to reach a decision).
I like this definition and find it addresses how I positively process information and make good decisions. The negative aspects of rumination come when I am quietly contemplating at 3 IN THE MORNING!
Maybe peace comes from employing both The Patty Rule and Ruiz’s 4th Agreement – Do Your Best.
Under any circumstances, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret.
So the questions for you: How are you doing when it come to When to say yes, How to say no decisions? What are your tricks to ensure you are living your true life and to “act rather than be acted upon”?